Free advice and thoughts for 2009

A new year is upon us and I have been in a reflective mood. I am also looking forward for 2009. This is going to be the year that the EAC reaches world domination. More on this later. Like I said I have some thoughts I would like to share with you and hopefully you will keep this in mind through the year. Hope your new year will be great.

1. If you are going to rob a bank, make sure that you put the panty hose on your head and not on your legs. Also stick to the nude colors, it can be too difficult to see through the colored ones.

2. If you use the restroom and the sounds you make in there sounds like someone is beating a wolverine to death with a spoon, you might want to see a specialist.

3. Avoid direct eye contact with a rabid cow.

4. If ever asked why you were late for something, say that you were saving children from a burning orphanage so if you are challenged about it, you can fire back and ask if the person has something against children. This helps to turn the tide in your favor.

5. If your boss's weight, IQ and SAT scores match, you might want to find a new job.

6. If you are ever presented with the opportunity to pull your buddies finger. DO IT!

7. If you ever have to drop a deuce in public, try to do it on someones lawn you don't care too much about.

8. Random bouts of nudity is not really all that bad of a thing.

9. If you ever find yourself in the woods being mauled by a bear, just let him finish, besides you probably did something to piss him off in the first place.

10. If you are a friend of mine and you wake up in jail one morning, don't call me to bail you out as I will be sitting right next to you saying "Damn that was cool."

Like I said 2009 is the year of the EAC. Applications are being accepted, more than likely, you will not be admitted, but feel free to apply. The first step for applying is to subscribe to this blog. If you have further questions, please feel free to ask me, the King and CEO of the EAC. Have a good year.